How often do you pause and ask yourself this question: Am I carrying something that does not belong to me?
It sounds simple, yet it opens up one of the deepest explorations in both psychology and energy work.
We Carry More Than We Realise
We all absorb energy and emotions from others. A difficult meeting at work, overhearing an argument in a café, or even scrolling through the news can leave us feeling heavy or unsettled. Psychology has a name for this: emotional contagion. Through subtle cues, we mirror the moods of those around us, often without noticing. Research shows that our nervous systems are wired to “catch” feelings from others, which is helpful for empathy but draining if left unchecked.
In family life, this can go deeper. Family systems theory suggests we sometimes take on roles, burdens, or unresolved struggles from our parents and ancestors. This is echoed in modern conversations around intergenerational trauma, the idea that hardship, grief, and coping patterns can ripple through generations.
The Energy Perspective
Sacred texts also remind us to ask this question. In the Bhagavad Gita (3.35), Krishna tells Arjuna it is better to live one’s own dharma imperfectly than to live another’s perfectly. Dharma means life purpose, inner alignment. When we carry what is not ours, we step out of that path.
Yogic philosophy teaches that thoughts and impressions are not limited to the brain but filter through layers of the aura, called the koshas. These layers hold memory, sensation, dreams, and spiritual impressions. When we pick up energy that is not ours, it often sits in these subtle layers, felt as tightness, fogginess, or unease.
How Do We Recognise What Is Ours?
There are clues.
- Not mine often feels sudden, heavy, or confusing. It may shift your mood quickly and lighten when you step away.
- Mine feels congruent, grounded, and familiar, even if it is painful.
In therapy, this distinction is vital. We cannot heal if we are working through someone else’s story. In tantric massage and tantric healing, this question becomes even more important. Clients often release emotions, energies, or memories that are not originally theirs. The body acts as a vessel of many imprints, and the healing touch creates the conditions for release. Practitioners must be clear in noticing what belongs to them and what is being carried on behalf of another.
Practices to Release
- Breath and Hands: Inhale and draw your hands to your chest while affirming “I locate what is not mine.” Exhale and extend your hands outward while affirming “I return this to Source with love.” Repeat seven breaths.
- Sweeping: Brush your hands down the body from crown to feet to clear residual heaviness.
- Time in Nature: Stepping outside, even sitting in your car with music, can reset your field.
- Awareness: Simply naming “this is not mine” begins to release its hold.
Why It Matters
When we continually carry what is not ours, we risk burnout, resentment, and disconnection from our purpose. When we release it, we create space to follow our dharma, the work and way of being that truly belongs to us.
In Buddhism, this is the perfection of dāna, giving freely without expectation. In psychology, positive psychology research shows that when we live aligned with our authentic values, wellbeing increases. Both perspectives converge on the same truth: what is ours nourishes us, what is not ours depletes us.
The next time you feel weighed down, pause and ask: Am I carrying something that is not mine? Then take a breath and hand it back.